Buddy...and then there were two...

Buddy is gone. He did not come back one day after being outside. He had that feline rhinovirus I think. Whitewash had it too,but he's fine-laying in front of my keypad right now. Buddy had a sneeze,so did Whitewash. But Whitewash got better. Buddy developed a cough. I did not have the money...you know the drill...besides they already HAD those shots for this year. I'm sorry to see him go,he was so cute and I loved him. He used to sit on my chest and I would pet his head and he would look and look and look at me the whole while. I loved him. Now there are only two.

chilly morning

I got got got no time! The Guess Who used to sing that and it is going through my head! James is demanding all of my time. I need to clean up my cluttered house and make it look pretty for Gail and Jim who are stopping by on the 7th after an Eagles concert. I'm preparing all of his meals taking his glucose levels and washing up the dishes. And he is surly. I need some down time. I have forgotten to take my effexor for the last three days!! Yikes! My cats are making little dirty kitty prints all over my clean sink and counter top. The end.

I haven't gotten a desk chair yet and am using a kitchen chair at my computer desk so that is also what contributes to my pain,not very ergonomic for the back and leg muscles!

James is going to be coming home from the hospital and I need to go buy another alarm clock since my old one doesn't want to work every time. James has been diagnosed with congestive heart failure and diabetes. I will be cooking meals and taking his blood sugar. Ah, well, I needed a routine anyway. Guess I'll go now and take some of my clothes over to his house to be laundered.

It rained yesterday and I crawled under the flannel sheets and took a comfy nap for about three hours. Today it was sunny and cold and I went to the Hess-mart and got a Blimpie-footlong special. Very good! The best sandwich I can think of, besides Rachael Ray's Muffallata (sp?) from the food network show on cable. Anyway, guess I'll get going.

Friends and stuff

I have remembered to take my effexor for about every day this week and am feeling better. I increased the dosage from 50 to 75 today. Last night and the night before were the first nights that I got 8hrs of sleep in a long while,I'm not sure how long I wasn't sleeping well. Guess I should chart on myself. I still have not received any Lorazepam in the mail. I hope no bum snitches it out of my mailbox again. I am predigiously checking the box starting at 10am to see what is in my box. Yesterday when I went up there was a bum on a bike on the sidewalk near my box. The mailman came right after I went up so I was able to retrieve a check from my Aunt, $50.oo wouldn't have wanted to lose that.

I called Jennifer yesterday inspite of being blown off two times earlier on the phone (not majorly,she just said after a while can I call you right back and never did). We talked for a while and I told her about James' heart surgery and how he is doing and that my check was accidentally held the first of the month and that I finally got that situation sorted out and had the money in the bank and was just waiting for it to clear,etc. She offered to take me to the bank and said she wanted to visit with me since it had been so long since we had seen each other (a month or more). We visited and had a nice time. She drove me to the bank and we burst into laughter when I tried to put the teller's pen back into the plastic tube and marked her hand with blue ink instead. She couldn't get it off at first and it both struck us at the same time as very funny!! I laughed untill tears rolled down my cheeks! It was very cathartic.

She says she has been very up and down for the last month since her daughter moved out to stay with a friend and her family. Then her daughter comes to visit on the weekend and they argue and butt heads and everthing is horrible again. Both are in therapy to try to learn how to communicate more effectively without pushing each others buttons. I wonder if their therapist has taught them about "I" messages? Also,I asked Jen if she had been taking her meds,she said yes. I guess they aren't working anymore.

I talked to my younger brother for a long time day before yesterday. He said he has the same problem with his legs hurting and that it is his back and all he has to do is stretch for awhile and it is fixed for the moment. He asked me a series of questions and we came to the conclusion that our problem has the same symptoms and that it must be my back that is causing it. I am stubborn and quick to dismiss my practioners diagnosis. He told me a year ago that it was my back causing my leg pain. I had an "aha" moment though when my brother was discribing his symptoms. Funny that I could be in denial about it. But my back hurts just a little all the time and a lot some of the time. I stretched today after I walked a couple of blocks in pain and then when I walked again I had no pain. Yippee! Hooray! I am planning on a stretching regimen before I walk now and after.

James is doing better. He had a double by-pass on the 15th and he is almost his old self again, he is walking around the hospital ward and taking showers by himself. I marvel at his ability to withstand pain. He doesn't use the plump pillow in the shape of a heart to hold against his stomache when he coughs for pain and to insure the stiches(metal clamps really) don't come out.
He is a regular John Wayne!! Gotta love him,the big galloof!

I bought a hang-up bag today with plastic bottles and jars to put shampoo and lotion and other stuff in. It is a little red colored case with two zippered compartments. It is in preparation for my trip to Washington on April first. I think I will go with my duckhead sports bag and my mlitary duffel bag and leave the American tourister at home. Hmn maybe not,I think I have the key to the American Tourister after-all.

James's dog Chico has taken a little getting used to. He has dry skin and scratches a lot and he chases my girl cat willow,and fights over food. Even when he thinks there might be food he fights and chases the cats away. And he pees in the house and doesn't tell me when he needs to go and when I take him out he does not do anything. I used to love him... Ha ha ha.

How long have I been rambling on? I think I could do this all day. I like my new case,I enjoy spending money on things I will get years of use out of. Things that are useful and neccessary. Guess that's it for now.

Spring!

I went on another mile walk today and noticed the canadian redbuds are just budding and the chinese magnolia are in flower that means spring is around the corner. The wild violets in my yard are in bloom and so is the oxalis. On my walk a nice lady said hi to me. she was putting up chicken wire around her fence trying to keep her rabbits in. I saw two rabbits . It is 71 degrees today. I wore a long sleeve oxford shirt and a light weight jacket on my walk and I was uncomfortably warm-must dress better tomorrow. I walked yesterday too.

Jennifer still has not gotten in touch with me. To tell you the truth I am enjoying not being in her company. So much less drama and noise. She complained too much about all her other friends and ex-husbands. Now she can complain behind my back too.

James is scheduled for open-heart surgery as soon as a bed opens up at either Memorial or Baptist hospital. He is in Orange park medical center hooked up to a heart moniter. He needs Quadrupal bypass surgery. I call him several times a day and I am keeping his dog who has peed on my bed, rug, and bathroom in spite of me letting him out often. Other wise he has been well behaved except my female cat refuses to come in the house so i feed her outside.

Well, thats it for today,gotta make lunch. Pork chops and mustard greens a deep south favorite.

Yuck!! My kidneys still hurt and for the last two days I have had greasy chinese take-out and box pizza. I have decided that those two foods are off my list! And all cheese too. No more cottage cheese! No more cream cheese. No more cows milk.

Jennifer L. is still not talking to me. Inspite of my nice card and my apology. I always apologize even though I wasn't in the wrong. I apologized for my part in even giving her the impression of something. Wierd I know.

James is very seriously ill. Right now I suspect he is in the hospital because I can't reach him at home and we always talk every night at a certain time. He has had congestive heart failure for a number of years and has filled up with fluid in the last couple of days. His sister-in-law asked me to make sure he walks to try to get some of the fluid out. His heart is enlarged. He continues to smoke when he gets the chance. Bad. Bad.

I myself smoked untill ten years ago. Terrible. And don't get me started on all the second hand smoke I have gotten over the years as a child with grandparents,then my mother took it up and I married a smoker when I was quit, I later took it back up.

The weather-It was in the 70's the last two days and if I had felt better I would have gone for my mile walk. I will as soon as I'm up to speed. Kidneys still hurt.

Nothing good in this Post. What can I think of to say that is positive? I will try harder to get back in shape and eat right. I actually bought Melons and strawberries and grapes and have been eating them everyday. Much better than drinking orange juice. I should get some grapefruit. This a diary and I'm thinking out loud. This is the time when I miss my Mother the most. She would be very comforting right now. She would never have allowed me to get in such bad shape. For god sakes when she was alive we worked out at a spa and I had my picture in their ads! Me-slim and pretty. That was then this is now. I crashed into a depression when she died that was very harful to my body.

Well,this is begining to sound like one big pity party,feeling sorry for myself. I'll stop. At least I started sifting through paper work in the last couple of days. I want to get the new computer corner table up this week. That will keep my mind off things.

Leah K.

I had a really neat outing with my Aunt Leah on Monday. We went to a new Thai restaurant on cassat. We both enjoyed the spicy green beens and the tilapia. It was buffet style and the choices were very few but I didn't say so. Anyway, during lunch we talked about me. My aunt is good at asking questions and I'm not so we talk about how I am doing This time she said I was my old self again like I was when I was a teen-ager! Wow. I explained to her that part of the reason I am overweight is because the medicine I take for the Bi-Polar disorder causes an increase in appetite. I used Rosemary Clooney as an example. She understood. It is nice that my Aunt understands me now and she is not afraid of me anymore. I mean she actually enjoys my company now.

After lunch-which she paid for we went shopping at Lowe's hardware store and Home-depot. Leah is quite the knowledgable and handy fixer-upper,even though she is a wealth-management officer at a large bank here in Jacksonville. Single,married for a blink,successful. Late 50's looks mid-30ish.tall,very good looking. Slim. I chuckel to myself sometimes when I am with her because she Is a Half-Aunt only related on my mother's side and unfortunately I do not look like that side of the family. I kind of bask in her glow when I am with her and she does not even realize it.

We went shopping for burglar doors with bars and window locks. We found those and also went window Shopping!!! I love going window shopping with my Aunt. She asks my opinion like it matters and makes me feel very special. It is a neat thing we have between us. Leah K- "Which of these groups of post lamps do you like the best?" 'I kind'a like these'- me pointing to the Baroque style. "What about these?"says Leah K. pointing to the mission style post lamp. 'oh,yes I like those too of course,but I think I prefer the others better.' I respond. Then we move on to the next thing closet doors and other quandry household items. My Aunt Leah has moved into a new house last year and is in the process of her favorite thing-remodeling and re-decorating. She's been in the house actually over a year and takes me by now to see the place. It is not in her usual oriental style. She explains that she got rid of a lot of things when she moved the last time to the downtown apartments. The house is tastefully decorated in a casablanca style now. She gives me the grand tour,and then out to the yard. That is a miller(The plant lovers)tradition to see what plants are in the yard. She has a meyer's lemon. I love lemons and she plucks off several to give to me to take back home. You can eat 'em whole skin and all because they are not tart.

The end.

I love my life now. I have four good friends(your included Jenny) and one close relative near me in town. I have my favorite brother and a new niece and a sister -in-law just waiting to meet me in 2 1/2 months. All is right with the world. Even though I am not rich,or even well off money wise. I am happy.
Diana pf_flyer